Epically Inert in Illinois

Dear Neologist:

[Will you please] invent a word to describe the psyche of my sweetie,
whom I call Lion because she looks like one? Seriously. A she-mountain lion.

So here's her deal: She is of German and Slovak descent. She was raised Catholic in a middle-of-nowhere southern Illinois village. She has been obsessed with Blondie since childhood and always wanted to be a guitar goddess at CBGB's. She was the valedictorian and prom queen in high school. She is extremely talented in the arts, sciences, athletics, etc. etc. etc. Yet she can't seem to decide what she really wants to do with herself, so she often does nothing. She is inert in an epic way. And she has this odd idea that feeling or voicing the slightest pride in oneself -- be it one's appearance or accomplishments -- is somehow in very poor taste and verboten.

What is the deal with this lesbo lion?

Thanks,

Kat Fancier

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Dear Kat Fancier,

Goodness me. Outsize dreams are deemed childish, and pride in accomplishments or appearance are verboten? Your Mountain Lioness does sound awfully German. I know the feeling well. Combine that with a healthy dose of option paralysis, and it's easy to see why one would end up epically inert, as you said.

It seems to me that your partner is dealing with a severe case of

Enttarnungsfurcht
f, Ent-tar'-noongs-foorkt
(fear of being de-camouflaged)

Admitting to one's deepest desires, even to oneself, is a great and intimate commitment that can't be undone. As soon as you actually allow a clearly defined wish to form you've opened yourself to the real possibility that it may go unfulfilled. To the soul of an overachiever -- and that's clearly the case with your Lioness -- an unfulfilled wish is never simply a matter of chance. It's always a personal failure -- mistakes made, eventualities unanticipated, too little work invested. Just thinking that this might happen can lead to stasis. Better to keep all desires in a nascent and certainly unspoken state, so they are nothing but an amorphous cloud of dreams deferred.

What can you do to help? Not much, I fear. It's all in her head, where those near and dear often have no admittance. In fact, what you might see as a gentle, loving push may very well come across as nagging, as a confirmation that your Lioness is fundamentally lacking in your eyes.

She will have to make the decision to move forward on her own. Until then, don't scold or encourage. Both only add pressure, which -- believe me -- she has covered all by herself. Just give freely of your love, and be patient.

When she does feel that she wants to define and pursue her goals, I personally find that a stable, daily activity in furtherance of the dream works best to build momentum -- something that is done almost automatically, so as to short-circuit doubt and fear.

At that point your She-Lion may experience the joy of

Bewegungsgezündete Seelenerleichterung
f, buh-vay'-goongs-guh-tsoon'-duh-tuh zay'-lun-err-like'-ter-rung
(motion-ignited soul-lightening)

Viel Glück on your journey together!

The Neologist